Member-only story
Budget Vacation Rental Glossary of Key Terms — Little Old Lady Comedy
Cozy
At the end of a painted-rock snake, you find a bedazzled entry remote, which half opens a converted garage’s door. Swollen with joy like the pre-bohemian-rummage-nouveau knickknacks, you snap a selfie, in case there’s an avalanche. Whimsical air-fresheners mingle eau de vanilla, mothball, and motor oil. Lunge sideways and duck to clear absurdist decoupage, avant-garde macramé, and dadaist color explorations in self-portraiture. Antique armoires brim with doilies and curated bric-a-brac, so you cram your finery into half-empty cardboard boxes labeled “Holiday Recycling” and “Grandpa’s Incontinence Kit?” An open floor plan allows for the shower curtain to double as tablecloth, covering the folding-tray, masquerading as a dining table. You suppose the Alaskan king-sized bedframe and twin mattress, leaning on their sides, are for sleeping. But your partner insists on spooning like teenagers in the backseat of the graffitied hatchback, parked in your living room. Cover up to your ankles with an intro-to-crochet lap throw. Question life choices and morality at every turn, when your elbows and knees connect with stacking shelves and one-legged tables…
